i'm feeling restless, restrained and restricted. the three r's. i feel like a firecracker just itching to go off. i feel stretched and taut and ready to spring, i'm just waiting for a small flick, an ill-timed word, a weird glance to set me off. i want something to happen, and i want it to happen now. but i know - if anything is to happen, it should happen of its own volition; pushing and pushing till something gives is never as satisfying as you start out thinking it will be. i feel pushed though. i feel like i've been meting out bits of myself for ages. when i started, i had a system - i'd calculated how long i could do it for without running too low on stock. i'd factored in the usual losses - time in transit, general damage, shoplifting. i'd also assumed that a new shipment would arrive and replenish my depletions. but it hasn't. the ship i'd assumed would set its course on me when i started this game doesn't seem to want to dock in my port. the shipment i'd been depending on never came. i've had to hand out more and more, regardless of the 'do not go beyond this line' warning signals, maybe even in spite of them. i'll have to build my own ship and sail out to get the stock myself. or build a huge bridge and get over it. which i will, i know, eventually - but right now, i just ain't in a constructive mood. now, it all just makes me tired, and prone to explosion.
so don't say i didn't warn you.