you know, though some things in my life seem absolutely out of control at the moment, there are others that i know are blessings (the fact that i'm not a religious person and i'm using a derivative of the the term 'bless' should give you an indication of how i'm feeling right about now). it's a weird and wonderful thing when support and friendship comes from areas you didn't expect it from. it is a beautiful thing when hard times buff up those relationships that matter until they shine so bright, that in their blinding glare, you almost forget that some of the other ones (which you would have liked to've been able to depend on) are as good as gone. you know how, sometimes you hear people say, 'it's times like these when you know who your friends are'? i'm there.
oh oh. oh so morbid. poor me! time for another beer, methinks.
hey - do me a favour. if you drop by here and read my blog, just leave me a message - tell me your name (or nom-de-plume), and where you're from - even if i already know you. that's alls i want!

i cleaned out my hotmail account today - i never use it for email, just for an msn passport. my inbox was stuffed with 170 messages about porn, vicodin and viagra. inspired by this site, i decided to write some spam poetry of my own...

spampoem one
can I help you?
do you love me?
no matter how
i'm still your friend

i think i found it!
wet girls and bed wetters!
re: simple, re: messy
i'm not joking, i'll do it!

maidservant prolegomena concede maitre
snowfall saginaw europa arthritis
broody menopause dally auditor
if you build it, they will come.

being a writer can be exhausting. not only because of the constant nagging self doubt and substance abuse issues, but because if you're a born woo-hooer (like me), it takes a lot to curb the urge to celebrate everything. when i started writing my novel, it was a series of little celebrations. named my characters - woohoo! ten thousand words - woohoo! thirty thousand! finished first draft!! oh, editor feedback! second draft... how am i going to do this...? ping! idea! writewritewrite woohoo! submit second draft! waiting... waiting... waiting...
maybe write short piece while waiting. submit to anthology. shortlisted - woohoo! waitingwaiting... short-shortlisted - woohoo... right? maybe. i've had a piece of short fiction accepted for publication by meanjin. well, that's to say it's 99% certain to be in the next issue if there are no page constraints, and the genre balance is right... so, this could be my first paid publication. potentially. not that i'm excited at all by this possibility, obviously... arrgh! must celebrate something to get rid of this pent-up celebration energy seething just below surface of skin... must find valid cause for celebration! must vent guilty happy energy before head bursts open like over ripe water melon (thanks, matthew reilly)!! must... celebrate... something!!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggghhhhh!!!
oh, by the way, i've updated my gig guide. enjoy.

i'm not sure whether it was the hideous makeup i was wearing, the matching hideous clothing i'd been given by wardrobe, or the fact that there were a fair few 'real' people around who quite obviously thought the whole group of us time-warping extras were freaks - but one thing's for sure, the actual eighties were never quite as painful for me as re-living them was yesterday. the shoot was to be a ten hour call (copeable)... at monash's clayton campus (slightly less copeable, seeing as i thought it would be in the city somewhere)... starting at 5.45... in the morning. and i eventually got home at 7.45pm. it wasn't all bad though. the food was good, i got some good scenes (i had direct interaction with david wenham in one take; frances o'connor touched me on the shoulder in another - ooooh, special!), and i had my hair crimped for the first time. i also caught up with a mate i hadn't seen in two years, which was an absolute bonus. we shot two scenes - one nightclub scene using the alexander theatre foyer, and one cafe scene using wholefoods. there was a lot of waiting around, but it was almost worth it just to watch all the monash hippies saunter past us and into wholefoods, sniggering at our tragic getup, only to come back out seconds later, sheepish and snappy due to mung-bean and tofu depravation. yeah, 'the man' took over your cafe. deal with it!
found out this morning that my short story has gone progressed from meanjin's shortlist to their 'short shortlist' - so don't uncross those fingers just yet.

thankfully easter weekend passed with minimal chocolate consumption, though we hauled an impressive booty of excellent exotic confectionery. thursday night saw andy mcclelland's 'somewhat accurate history of pirates' show and was duly impressed - if that boy doesn't get an award there's something wrong with everything. friday was spent at luna park with nephews and friends, then a quiet evening at home. saturday night i drank too much wine at my cousin's engagement party. sunday dinner at mother in law's, monday helped paint a dining room then went and saw starsky and hutch with some friends. today, i wish i'd stayed home more... i realise now that i only have thursday this week free to do a uni assignment that's due next week. then there's another (which i have yet to start on) due the week after. last night i finished reading 'a royal duty' by paul burrell. and i must admit, i was impressed. far from the royal muck-raking session i had (rather gleefully, i'll admit) anticipated, the book is actually and honest and respectable account of what this guy has been through. occasionally paints a slightly sinister picture of the royal family as a whole, but that's no surprise. i mean, prince charles. 'nuff said. the book was an intriguing insight to a world that is totally alien to anything i will probably ever experience in this lifetime. that kinda stuff intrigues me. i think my next guilty read will be a book called 'the society murders', all about the wales-king murders in melbourne. though i'm not sure how that will go as bedtime reading - weird dreams.
i have to get some eighties gear for my movie-extra stint tomorrow. hmm. i'm not sure i'm going to enjoy this.

went to superstar karaoke again last night. which is just as well, seeing as i will have to miss the last one next tuesday. i will be doing some more extra work on wednesday and since it's a ten hour call, i don't know that going out and getting smashed the night before would be such a good idea. though i probably will end up going again, i just know it. i'm aware of my weaknesses. i'm too much of a comedy groupie to not go. the extra work i am down for is for a film being shot in melbourne. the film is called 'three dollars' and it stars david wenham and frances o'connor. i don't know yet what all the details are, but apparently the shooting will be taking place at a pub somewhere in the city. the 'part' that i am playing in the extra work actually has a name and it is - how ironic - something along the lines of 'girl number seven in bar'. so i'll be getting paid to sit around in the background of someone's scene and pretend to be a mute version of my usual self. there is actually some sort of film shoot activity happening at bond bar not far from where i work, i wonder if that's it. ten hours. i will remember to take a book this time. in other news, a site called the surface has put up a little email interview i did for them. makes me sound so intriguing!
sometimes i freak out a little at the slightly surreal angle my life's taken recently.
then i think pffft! enjoy the ride.

hello hello. i have had an absolute mind bending weekend - i went to jeez louise funny womens forum, bonded with so many other comedically inclined women from all over the spectrum that by about six last night i was nearly ready for a little lie down. but no, i pushed on and went along to adam richards' show, then to the festival club afterward. the most refreshing thing about this weekend was the openess of established women comedians (esp maria bamford and fiona o'loughlin) - their willingness to share their stories and opinions. and the knowledge that no matter how high up the ladder of success they find themselves, they're still full of self doubt, they still get nervous on stage, and they still reach a point sometimes where they think 'oh my god, i've fooled everyone - what'll happen when they find out i'm not really funny at all?!'. i also did a little networking (eurggh), but ran away quickly after getting the information i wanted. now i have new inspiration to re-work the material i have, come at it from a different angle, and i want to get back into the sketchwriting thing.
i barely ever do online quizzes, but how much of a words nerd am i? i couldn't resist this one. go on, have a go, it's just like a school english exam, but funner!
You are a GRAMMAR GOD! If your mission in life is not already to preserve the English tongue, it should be. Congratulations and thank you!
How grammatically sound are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

q: what do you call it when four writers travel the land, stopping off in towns and cities to read their writing in front of a gathered crowd, then serenade them with a badly sung karaoke tune?
a: you call it 'hello kitty', a concept hatched initially by the nimble minds of natasha cho and a group of her friends. and today, i officially became a part of 'hello kitty' - i will be touring with the group in october and november this year, joining them on the canberra and lismore legs. i'll get to catch up with sydney ppl on the way back from the lismore gig, and canberra people after the gig there. and there *might* even be brisbane and adelaide gigs! i am so excited! now i just have to pick a karaoke song to sing. it's a tough decision - kokomo, islands in the stream, ebony and ivory, time after time... all those and more are on the list! how will i ever be able to choose just one??
then i got this email from someone at abc radio asking for an interview for - get this - a 'where are they now' special on all the 2003 raw comedy national finalists. i never thought i'd be able to tick the be on a where are they now show in any capacity box off on my lifetime achievements list this early in my career. ha!
then at uni, they finally got around to workshopping my piece. i got all nervous. but they liked it, which is always nice.
it's been a pretty good day!