sometimes i get asked how many people visit my site. i have a stat tracker on it, and one of the best things about that is i have access to the search pages, containing the search terms that people who don't know me have used. through the magic of the net, they've somehow managed to end up at my site. some of them make sense, some none at all. here are a few examples, apparently from my last 100 page loads (anything in brackets is a comment from me, not what the searcher typed) -
the laughing dog cafe footscray; "i don't like white boys"; rishikesh real estate; "hq short story" 2003 winner (i wish!); "melbourne comedy festival" & "tripod"; actress shalini's email (must be a bollywood actress called shalini); alpaca chortle (i like this one a lot); Ethan Hawke spotted in Frankfurt; sexy ocean.com; free nude girls camera (none of that action here, i'm afraid, but now that i have written that here i might get more hits); nerd brain postgrad (now that's more like it); leggy girls; "Race around the world" AND Laughing club; melbourne male massuer (what the..?); indian women tits ass fun (from a uk search engine, surprise surprise).

you know what shits me? it shits me when you write a huge entry in blogger, a little gem of a literary nugget, then you hit 'post & publish', and then it disappears forever. that really shits me. but then again, this blog is being brought to you for free courtesy of those good people at blogger, so i really should just get over it, shouldn't i? hmm. okay. done.
the last entry was all about how i went at the opening of the yarraville festival, comedy @ the commercial last thursday. answer is i went alright, but was not punching the air a la leyton on my way off stage. i was the opening act for a night full of local heroes, so in retrospect i did not do as badly as i could have. dave o'neill and ged told me they thought i did well and that just about made up for the fact that yon from tripod was in the audience while i was on, and he didn't actually laugh once. oh well. two out of three ain't bad.
sitting in the deakin uni computer labs, i have just realised two things - one, i smell like a pile of ashes due to my current fixation with the fireplace in my study (that's right, study! i finally have one!); and two, i type pretty bloody loudly, i do.
anyone want kittens? two local cats who lived in our backyard before we moved in have just had kittens. it's amazing. now the two back corners of our yard ore off limits to us measly humans, as both momma cats hiss and spit like things possessed if we stray too close to their litters. though they are all cute as buttons. mark wants to adopt one (even though he's generally allergic to cats) because he thinks he might 'build up an immunity' to them. jane, i blame you and clovis. he just hasn't been the same since bendigo.

well, thursday morning and i'm feeling fine.... probably due to all the good writing i've been doing for uni so far this week. and tonight i finally get to have a go at the commercial, which should be good fun.
this weekend am planning to stay home and do some more unpacking, maybe some re-arranging even. and no doubt, more writing! go those creative juices. flow!
i have nothing much to say, so will leave now. cheerio!

weekend in bendigo was excellent. i got to swing an axe for the first time, and i think i did alright. being up at the farm reminded me of being in fiji, with a few details switched. like instead of walking through cane fields, we walked through wheat crops. which is a lot better, because cane leaves are so sharp and hairy that they cut you.
writing is going a lot easier right now, but it's mainly uni assessment tasks right now. i'm looking forward to getting into the novel re-edit once this is all over.
ps vote for paulini! even though after last night's performances, i must admit i think guy is a bit of a legend.

apologies for the previous entry, my australian-idol fuelled virtual-tanty. ah well. i've accepted the fact that it really is out of my hands, and leave the fate of those starry-eyed hopefuls in the hands of the powers that be and those of the oh so elusive ten-to-fifteen female television viewing demographic out there. they don't even realise how powerful they are.
personally i didn't watch the idol special last night, i was at this booktalkers thing for uni, where i got to meet nick earls. i had emailed him a couple of questions off his website a few years ago, so i thought i'd introduce myself on the off chance that he'd remember my name. and he did, which was nice.

oh my god. what is wrong with you people?!?!
i nearly had a heart attack in my lounge room last night while watching australian idol. and no, smartypants, it wasn't brought on purely by the realisation that i was watching australian idol, either.
i know. i know i promised myself i wouldn't ever get so involved with reality tv that i'd actually feel an emotional attachment, i know when i picked up the phone to vote ben the fat cop off big brother i swore it was a once-off, but seriously! what the hell were you people thinking, voting for millsy to stay on instead of paulini? don't we have enough poncy twat-boys prancing around singing like shit and trying to look cute? (two words - funky junky). what is it with you people? are you blind as well as deaf??
paulini rocks! paulini's fijian! paulini rhymes with shalini!
paulini has an excellent voice, she's an amazing singer, and she barely even breaks a sweat when she's on stage! vote for her, dammit! keep her in! use your work phones if you have to! browse random cafes, pick up stranger's mobiles and sms in votes for paulini! it would be a crime if she didn't make it through.
and if you don't beleive me, watch australian idol tonight and then tell me - does she not rock?

more on post nywf action - newcastle to sydney trip was donated by the lovely christie, original sham-wife. also giving lifts to tantric tom the poet and jo the comic artist (comic artist? what, so you like, tell jokes, and you draw pictures while you're telling them? haha!). i was taking swigs from the honey jar all the way down, trying to coax my rapidly fading voice to stay a couple more days. we got to sydney 'round six-ish and dumped bags at my cousin joey's in broadway, then went down glebe poing road for some food. joey and i left from there for my open mic spot at pear shaped at about 8ish, and when we got there we met sheena and her friends who had come along to see me. i was on second in the second bracket. my voice did not fail me, i asked them to turn the mic up and i could hear them doing it as i was speaking, which was weird. crowd responded well, the mc was surprised at my poise and said something like 'ooh, we have a story teller!'. then i realised i was one of the only ones that night who didn't have a gag-based routine.
tuesday night and my voice decided fuckit, we're out of here but i didn't panic - that's why they made microphones, and i wasn't going to pull out of a five minute spot because i might have to whisper it. which was good, because as it happened, i pretty much did have to whisper it. my opening gag of 'sorry about my voice, but if you like what i'm saying you can click instead of clap' seemed to go down well not just with tantric tom the poet, but with some others too. more comments were made re the storyteller thing, which made me wonder - there must be more storytelling comedians in melbourne than in sydney. ah well. i'm glad i'm one of them.

what a week! i'm back home now and i've had an absolute ball.
the nywf was excellent, a lot different to what i was expecting it to be like, and it's a definite that i'm going again next year. gunna take mark with me too this time. and we'll stay at a backpackers, or somewhere with a communal kitchen - or maybe not, if we want to get any sleep at all! hehe. but who needs sleep when there are so many people to meet, so much silliness to be shared, so many beers to drink? this festival i found myself focussed on what i was scheduled to do, and the rest of the time was spent just talking to people, taking disco naps, drinking beer, sitting in the park, wandering around going 'woah', and occasionally eating something. next year i'd still ike to be a participant, involved in events and such, but i'd also like to actually go to some of the other sessions that i'd marked out with highlighter on the train trip up there.
i think it's funny how i went all the way to newcastle to make friends with a bunch of people from melbourne. what a hoot! i now have a whole extended family - literally, we're all sham-wives in the same sham-marriage - in melbourne.
next year, i wanna come back with a zine for the fair. maybe i'll call it sham-wife.

i know, i know. i've been in newcastle since the first of oct, and this is the first you hear from me. fat lot of good i'm doing as a festy blogger, aren't i?
first, the important stuff - the weather. i am sitting inside at octapod typing away on the one day that the sun has decided to come out so far. not to say that the weather has been dismal or anything - it's been pleasantly cool here. ideal weather for all the walking. newcastle is a pretty place, and everyone here has been really friendly.
now, the festival.
i can now say that a) i've hosted a panel, b) i've hosted a reading, and c) i did a reading. the latter two happened yesterday, which was a little full-on for me, but it was excellent. i finally read my yarra jelly story out loud, though i wish i were a little less nervous at the time. the standout performance of the whole festival so far for me was ray kelly jr., who also did a reading at salar on thursday afternoon. his poetry was moving, his rap was clever, and when he played his didgereedoo, he brought the house down.
the panel i participated in on comedy and ethnicity was on thursday, and it went really well. i was a bit nervous to start with, but once we got up there and got talking, the discussion took off. the crowd asked some excellent questions, and the panel lasted for about an hour and a half. then mandy and i got interviewed by alchemy radio in a live crossover! that was a surprise.
another surprise was re-connecting with christie after that one tute we did together at monash six years ago. to top it all off, she wrote the play 'call me komachi' which i really wanted to see but couldn't because it was sold out.
am collecting zines, badges, stories and stickers with people from everywhere.
lovin' it!