if something happening two times in a row can be identified as the beginning of a pattern, i think i've finally gone off the o.c. i didn't watch it last week, and i didn't watch it tonight. don't get me wrong - i will always have a soft spot for seth cohen - but i have a little theory. maybe all the big brother i have been watching lately has flipped the emergency switch on the 'bullshit overflow' setting of my brain. big brother is so bad, but i can't help myself sometimes. it's a human psych experiment in motion. now all we need is to install some bells, connect them to the alcohol supply, and see who works it out first. i was a little saddened to see gianna go - i thought leaving her in the house could have lead to some interesting moments in the future - but now i see they are bringing two 'replacement bombshells' into the house, there will be no shortage of drama-rama for us sad viewers. this morning as i sat motionless on a train that sat motionless first at kensington station, then in the loop between stations for extended periods of time, i eavesdropped on a girl and a guy talking about big brother. well, they started out talking about an exam they were both going to, but then in a lapse of conversation, the girl said did you watch uncut last night? it was soooo dirty. the guy said yeah, it was porno. my little sister was watching it and i said to her, 'go to your room'. then the girl said you know how some people say 'i won't watch it' then when it's on they do? well i'm always like 'i can't wait till it's on, i'm addicted to it. but that uncut - it was soooo dirty. then they talked about their exam a little more. then there was a pause in their conversation. then the girl said man, yeah, uncut was soooo dirty. and i thought to myself, interesting. you keep saying dirty and the guy keeps changing the topic. it was like watching big brother live and uncut on the broady line. all that unresloved sexual tension. such raw emotion...
sad sad sad. and yes, i'm referring to me.

when i was in first year high school in fiji (equivalent of year nine here - primary school went from class one to eight), i already had a friend who was a house captain. it was a distinct advantage to know someone in a position of power when you were one of the newbies. my oldest brother was engaged at the time, and my sister-in-law-to-be's sister was a couple of years ahead of me in high school. she was a boarder who lived on-campus, so i would go and check out her room and stuff. she would sometimes come and spend the weekend at our house because we lived closer to the school than her family did. appaled by her descriptions of the standard of food they were served at the hostel, my dad would take pumpkins and other veges from our garden and give them to the boarding-school kitchen in the hope that the boarders would get to eat a little better. anyway, after she finished high school, she moved to melbourne to live with her sister and my brother. and here's the point of this story.
there was no tv at that stage in fiji, and i was a bit of a clueless, wide-eyed loser. so she made me a couple of mixed (video) tapes and sent them over. one of them was random songs from 'rage'. the other was several episodes of graham kennedy's funniest home video show. so really, i could say he was kinda like my first adult television-by-proxy experiences. rest in peace, funny man.
now, those rage songs. what were they again? i watched that tape so many times that some of those clips are embedded in my brain. there was 'show no mercy' by that mark whoever guy who ended up being a voice coach on one of those reality tv singing shows. there was crowded house's 'something so strong'. there was 'kiss' by prince. i would like to say there was 'can't touch this' by mc hammer, but i think my imagination is running away with my memory.
ah, memories. ah, fiji. you've changed so much, i'm thankful i knew you when you were a tv-free-zone, as wide eyed, clueless and slightly loser-ish as i was at eighteen.

tonight i watched sixty minutes for the first time in a long time because i saw on promos that aishwarya rai would be on. i didn't really realise she was as huge as she is internationally - i'm sure just putting her name on this blog will increase my site traffic somewhat. anyway, i had been reading a lot of stuff online lately about her being on a few talkshows in america, and there's been a fair bit of backlash from her indian fans on the way she's presented herself. i feel sorry for the girl - she's obviously very clever and very beautiful - i'm just not so sure about the 'never been kissed' thing... hmm. alrighty then. it'll be interesting to see how long this hollywood fascination with her lasts. as long as she doesn't ever end up dating tom cruise, i'll be happy.
earlier this week, like a good and dutiful wife, i accompanied my husband to an event i would generally not have chosen to go to. it was a tori amos concert, and my man is in love with her - or at least he used to be, it's more like a fond reminiscence now. anyhoo, tori amos. even though i am not a follower of her music, there is something about live performance that is quite moving, and songs that i heard for the first time that night even got to me. then she went and tipped everyone over the edge. she sang 'don't dream it's over', and dedicated it to 'musicians who are here, and no longer with us'. i cried like a baby. as i sat there, spectacles in my hand as tears flowed freely down my face, the performer in me started panicking. this little voice in my head was going 'she's not even halfway through her concert, and every second person in the audience is crying. how is she ever going to get them back? how, dammit?!'. then, after the applause for her beautiful tribute faded to quiet, she softly launched into her next song - no intro, no nothing - and what was that song? 'puff the magic dragon'. the whole room swelled with laughter and relief. it was a lovely moment.

i, like many other bloggers before me, am about to admit to something and to express feelings of deep regret - i am already addicted to big brother. i can't help myself, and like ms fits, i will hate myself for the next three months. i don't know why, but i can't help watching, even if it is on in the background as i do other things. it's classic car-crash television. i wonder why these people have put themselves up for this kind of scrutiny. though if it wasn't for the whole showering in front of cameras thing, i might even consider putting my hand up. hmmm. maybe that was an over-share... it's just that the prospect of fucking with that many heads is just too tempting. and i think i'd be good at it, too.

i'm one of those people that is quite out of touch with trends in literature, which is rather ironic if you consider the fact that i am a writer. i have not read lord of the rings, or lord of the flies. other books i have not read - the da vinci code, the celestine prophecy, the hitch hikers guide to the galaxy. any of the harry potter books. the satanic verses. and countless others. there have been many times where i have felt very self concious and inadequate in public conversations when people start sprouting literature references i have no idea about, but i hide it well. i now wonder how long i will be able to do this for. a lot of the reading that one would expect me to have encountered by now i just didn't get introduced to due to my education, and the fact that i was quite possibly more interested in making mischief than increasing my word power in my high school years. i went to high school in fiji and read little outside the school syllabus - which included the old man and the sea and the catcher in the rye. for pleasure i read trixie belden, sweet valley high, the ramona series, nancy drew, and when i was in primary school, pretty much any enid blyton i could get my hands on. not a widely varied list really, until i came to melbourne and took up some literature units at uni. seeing as i will eventally be exposed for the not-very-well-read-writer that i am, i thought i'd out myself here before it had the potential to get ugly. paranoid? me?
you know it.