so. it's like this... i start my sentences with 'so...' because i love a movie called 'clueless'. what can i say? alicia silverstone way back then just set me up for my current reese witherspoon fixation. yes, it's true. alicia, obviously, had the whole 'emma' thing going for her, but this has lead me to question my fixation with the whole perfect, blonde, sorrority-sister, perfect-perfect petite, popular girl-like, yet so womanly, girl.
am i making sense? maybe not. (just quietly, i hope not.)
i tried to pinpoint where this all began, and it's obviously got to be after 1993, which would make me 23 and (as a result of my sheltered upbringing) quite impressionable. i was introduced into the whole pop-culture thing, even though prior to that i was able to sneakily implicate myself into conversations about monkey magic and the cosby show by referring to a few characters (or character traits) through name or sound recognition (case in point - 'ffffft!!' while waving a finger back and forth just beyond one's mouth, always a winner, even though i can't actually remember watching even one episode of monkey magic in my childhood).
so does that make me a fraud?
i don't know why i feel kinda dangerous right now, like someone will find me out. what could be the worse that happens? that someone might discover that i actually wasn't witness to that episode where rudi found a friend that she called 'buuud' irrespective of what his name was? (should i even admit that i saw that episode and tried just then to pass it off as one i hadn't watched? now i'm confusing myself!)
the truth is, i would love to be part of that club. i would love to be sitting there on the ground, eating pizza and smoking cones with those crazy kids from 'reality bites' (lelaina! i wanna call my first born girl-child lelaina...), going, 'yeah, i can tell you which episode of 'good times' you're looking for!' just before that guy from 'there's something about mary' whose dad was in 'seinfeld' comes in and takes winona rider dressed in the doily away from ethan hawke (even though we all know she'll eventually end up with ethan hawke if she knows whats good for her)
.. but i'm not. for the same reason that i can't type straight even though i'm at home on a thursday night.
and that reason is because, at the root of it, i don't quite belong.
...but...
bring on monday, baby, and i'll be home!
FIJI, HERE I COME!!

(i will leave this tirade up till i read it again tomorrow.. because as a writer, stream of conciousness shit is a good thing, spelling errors nonwithstanding).

cheers, and goodnight.

so. i've got my enrolment all ready to post off, and i'm pretty happy about that. i'll be doing two units in second semester, and they're both on campus at burwood. both of them are after hours wheich is excellent, as i'll still be able to work and do uni at the same time. sweet!
tuesday night at the vibe went well - in retrospect, better than i expected. the new material worked. the crowd was small and as a result i was pretty nervous, but it meant more when the laughs came because i didn't know the majority of the people who were there. five minutes seemed like five seconds when i was on stage - i was afraid i was speaking too fast, that's how quickly time seemed to go. i was still shaking for a while after i got off stage - freaky! - but it was nothing that a beer couldn't fix.
mark and i fly out to fiji (finally!) this sunday night - it'll be awesome and exciting and a little bit scary all at the same time.

yay! got an offer in the mail today for postgrad at deakin. second semester, here i come!
(after a south pacific holiday, that is)

kick in the pants worked - i have my first spot booked since the comedy festival. i'm on next tuesday at vibe on smith street. went there to hang out and see the show last night, and to catch up with nelly. it was a good line-up, and i felt a bit weird when they flashed up next week's lineup on the screen and there was my name, all in caps. should be fun though - the crowd there is rather mellow, very supportive, and the venue is dimly lit. janet is very enthusisatic too - i'm hoping to get more gigs there after we get back from fiji. nelly's on at the commercial this thursday night, so we'll go over there and check it out - might see if ged will give me a little spot there. it's weird - i've gone from not wanting to do this at all, to this. not a bad development, huh?
i've found out that my post-grad app has been received and is still awaiting processing, and haven't heard anything else from varuna yet. i'm sooo hoping i get into the post-grad course - i really want to do this! i've had no further progress on the short piece i started, though i might jot some more thoughts down while we're on holiday. hoping to get some inspiration for a 'coming home' type piece, maybe. the hq short story comp is just around the corner, too.

last week i sent my application for a grad-dip in professional writing off to deakin, and got receipt confirmation from varuna.
on friday i started a new piece of fiction that started out as something for cornerfold, but now i'm not so sure. i've only written on paragraph so far, but i really like it. i can't decide what the girl in the story's going to do next. maybe if i leave her alone long enough, she'll tell me herself.
heard from ged that they've nearly finished editing the raw finals. i asked about the backstage stuff, but he reckons they had to edit that stuff down quite severely, so i might be safe. predictably, he is also quite pissed off with the chortle review.
i'm meeting up with nelly for a drink tomorrow night after work. i have the gather the courage to get some gigs and actually do them. i'm sure nelly can provide the kick in the pants thats been sadly lacking since the whole raw thing stopped. hmm. we'll see.