so. it's like this... i start my sentences with 'so...' because i love a movie called 'clueless'. what can i say? alicia silverstone way back then just set me up for my current reese witherspoon fixation. yes, it's true. alicia, obviously, had the whole 'emma' thing going for her, but this has lead me to question my fixation with the whole perfect, blonde, sorrority-sister, perfect-perfect petite, popular girl-like, yet so womanly, girl.
am i making sense? maybe not. (just quietly, i hope not.)
i tried to pinpoint where this all began, and it's obviously got to be after 1993, which would make me 23 and (as a result of my sheltered upbringing) quite impressionable. i was introduced into the whole pop-culture thing, even though prior to that i was able to sneakily implicate myself into conversations about monkey magic and the cosby show by referring to a few characters (or character traits) through name or sound recognition (case in point - 'ffffft!!' while waving a finger back and forth just beyond one's mouth, always a winner, even though i can't actually remember watching even one episode of monkey magic in my childhood).
so does that make me a fraud?
i don't know why i feel kinda dangerous right now, like someone will find me out. what could be the worse that happens? that someone might discover that i actually wasn't witness to that episode where rudi found a friend that she called 'buuud' irrespective of what his name was? (should i even admit that i saw that episode and tried just then to pass it off as one i hadn't watched? now i'm confusing myself!)
the truth is, i would love to be part of that club. i would love to be sitting there on the ground, eating pizza and smoking cones with those crazy kids from 'reality bites' (lelaina! i wanna call my first born girl-child lelaina...), going, 'yeah, i can tell you which episode of 'good times' you're looking for!' just before that guy from 'there's something about mary' whose dad was in 'seinfeld' comes in and takes winona rider dressed in the doily away from ethan hawke (even though we all know she'll eventually end up with ethan hawke if she knows whats good for her)
.. but i'm not. for the same reason that i can't type straight even though i'm at home on a thursday night.
and that reason is because, at the root of it, i don't quite belong.
...but...
bring on monday, baby, and i'll be home!
FIJI, HERE I COME!!
(i will leave this tirade up till i read it again tomorrow.. because as a writer, stream of conciousness shit is a good thing, spelling errors nonwithstanding).
cheers, and goodnight.
am i making sense? maybe not. (just quietly, i hope not.)
i tried to pinpoint where this all began, and it's obviously got to be after 1993, which would make me 23 and (as a result of my sheltered upbringing) quite impressionable. i was introduced into the whole pop-culture thing, even though prior to that i was able to sneakily implicate myself into conversations about monkey magic and the cosby show by referring to a few characters (or character traits) through name or sound recognition (case in point - 'ffffft!!' while waving a finger back and forth just beyond one's mouth, always a winner, even though i can't actually remember watching even one episode of monkey magic in my childhood).
so does that make me a fraud?
i don't know why i feel kinda dangerous right now, like someone will find me out. what could be the worse that happens? that someone might discover that i actually wasn't witness to that episode where rudi found a friend that she called 'buuud' irrespective of what his name was? (should i even admit that i saw that episode and tried just then to pass it off as one i hadn't watched? now i'm confusing myself!)
the truth is, i would love to be part of that club. i would love to be sitting there on the ground, eating pizza and smoking cones with those crazy kids from 'reality bites' (lelaina! i wanna call my first born girl-child lelaina...), going, 'yeah, i can tell you which episode of 'good times' you're looking for!' just before that guy from 'there's something about mary' whose dad was in 'seinfeld' comes in and takes winona rider dressed in the doily away from ethan hawke (even though we all know she'll eventually end up with ethan hawke if she knows whats good for her)
.. but i'm not. for the same reason that i can't type straight even though i'm at home on a thursday night.
and that reason is because, at the root of it, i don't quite belong.
...but...
bring on monday, baby, and i'll be home!
FIJI, HERE I COME!!
(i will leave this tirade up till i read it again tomorrow.. because as a writer, stream of conciousness shit is a good thing, spelling errors nonwithstanding).
cheers, and goodnight.
Labels: general
posted by shalini akhil at
10:19 PM
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